YOU are Your Happy Place
Dressed in a casual T-shirt that reads Full of Grace and Fierce AF, Antoinette Belson founder of Happy Your Space, sits with her hair tied back with what appears to be a scarf. With her luscious mane of curly hair held away from her face, she is smiling, and patiently waiting for my first question.
So, who is Antoinette Belson, and what did she say about ambitious mothering? Grab a cup of tea, sit in your own dedicated quiet space, and read on to find out more about the happier woman behind the Happy Your Space brand.
Who is Antoinette?
Interesting, or perhaps not so fascinating–I'll let you decide, I’m the fourth Antoinette in my family. My grandmother was named Antoinette–but everyone called her Toni. Her mother was also named Antoinette and went by Ann. Her mother was also Antoinette, and everyone called her Nettie. I go by plain old Antoinette.
My mom, however, wasn’t named Antoinette. Her name is Janer. It's unique because her name results from my grandparents' love names for each other. My granny, Toni, was called Toner by my grandfather. My grandfather’s name was John, but granny called him Johner. Within a week of my mom's birth, my grandparents called her Janer. Her birth name was Jane and they formally had it changed to Janer.
I am a trained Architect and spent most of my career working in the corporate world. I worked in a prominent New York City architectural firm servicing residential and hospitality clients for over ten years. I went from a project manager to a senior project manager throughout my years at this firm. Then I became pregnant in 2019.
The Pivotal Moment
I live in Connecticut, and my firm was in New York City, that's an hour and a half commute both ways, so when I found out I was pregnant, I asked my firm if it was possible to work from home. They said that it was a policy that they did not offer work from home (accommodations) and that I must come to work every day.
Here I was dealing with morning sickness and monthly medical appointments–I had to take PTO (paid time off) once a month to attend these doctor's visits. All I was asking was to work from home one day a month. From November 2019 to March 2020, I asked.
At the beginning of March, while trying to rush to the office after a doctor’s visit, I fell on the platform trying to catch the train. Luckily my baby was okay, but I hurt myself enough, that my doctor advised that I should stay home for a week. That incident happened on March 10th. By March 17th, the whole city went on lockdown due to COVID, and my firm’s policy on working from home was a moot point. The entire world had to become remote. I then went on Maternity leave and had my son in July of 2021.
Antoinette and Ambition
I have been working since the age of twelve. I started as a babysitter, then, at the age of fifteen, I entered the workforce as a cafe attendant and worked that job mainly over the summers. In my senior year of high school and throughout my senior year of college, I did landscaping. Every summer, I always had a job. I also worked in the admissions office in college, so I’ve never known anything else but work.
From high school to college, college to grad school and grad school to my first job, I think the most time off I’ve ever had was two weeks. When I had my son and was on maternity leave, it was a surreal experience. During the first month, I was overwhelmed and exhausted. I’m not even sure how I survived. However, I felt like I had a rhythm after the first month. For the first time in my life, I felt in control.
Antoinette and Motherhood
My husband was amazing during this time. He was on paternity leave–he had six weeks off with us. With him home, it gave me time to reflect. I realized that I didn’t want to be commuting and miss these precious moments with my son. Motherhood changed my perception of what success is. It redefined it for me. I started to think that maybe I didn't need to be a senior project manager. That role wasn’t bringing me happiness.
The reason I fell in March was because I had just come out of a doctor's appointment. I had my computer and bag, and I was trying to rush to get to work. Being on maternity leave, being with my son, and not having to worry about commuting to work, it became clear to me that I needed a change. I want to be responsible for creating an environment where my son can be the best contributing member of society. I want to help him become the best loving, kind being. You can teach kindness. You can teach curiosity and you can nurture tenderness.
My parents – I love them to pieces, but they prioritized their careers in the beginning. One of the saddest moments for my mother was when I was in second or third grade, and they asked who my favorite member of my family was.Most of the kids answered a sister, a brother, their dad, their mom, and my answer–my babysitter. That shook my mom.
Mom traveled a lot for work, and I had many babysitters. Hearing me choose a non-relative over her made mom change her priorities. But I was seven at the time, and I had already established my own priorities. I don’t ever want my son Jamie to say something like that or feel like I prioritized work over him. Yes, I want him to see me as successful. I want him to see my drive and ambition and be inspired, but I never want him to think that my work was over him.
The Work of Antoinette’s Hands–Assess, Address and Achieve
When school was starting back up, many of my family members and friends were concerned. Homeschooling and online schooling became a reality. They all knew that the spaces they had held together with bubble gum and Band-Aids at the end of the previous school year–when everything shut down due to COVID–were not going to work. They realized–Oh my gosh, we are all home together. The kids were home, husbands and wives were now working from home, and they were all sharing space. This was no longer a short-term scenario, and working from home was not going away anytime soon.
They reached out to me because they knew I am a spatial planner and that I designed spaces for a living. They were like, Antoinette, how do I make my house, work? During my maternity leave, I helped five family members and friends layout spaces in their homes. They did’t realize that they could create zones and areas in their own homes to help them achieve the work that needed to occur.
Three of the people I helped said that I changed their lives, not just for the interim, but that they could make those changes work for a long time. Now I create zones and find little niches that help people create the spaces they want to achieve their goals.
My biggest challenge is convincing people that they don’t need to build an addition to have more useable space in thier home. Assess, address, and achieve. Decluttering is key. People don't realize how much they hoard. If you go through your closet, look under your bed, and look in your dressers, you will be surprised at how many things you could get rid of. Take, for example, a closet. If you go through your closet and get rid of clothes you don't use–donate them and give them that positive second life you now have space. When you consciously do this, you will be amazed at how much space you create.
Imagine a 4-foot by 2-foot closet. That gives you eight square feet. That is the size of some cubicles. I love activating closets for dual purposes. Many parents were getting frustrated because they used their dining room tables to work. Then it was dinner time, but there was no place to eat because they were still working and their tables were cluttered. A closet workspace allows you to free up your dining room table, and you can literally shut the door and leave your work behind.
Motherhood, Ambition and Deliberately Mothering
I was always told to climb the corporate ladder, be successful, and be the best I could be. I made six figures at the firm, and now I am not. That's a massive mind shift. But I now get to spend time with my son when I want. I love being in control of my schedule and time, and I can prioritize what is important to me. I also love helping people. As an architect, it can take ten to fifteen months to see the fruits of your labor. Now, I get instant gratification. It’s exceptionally satisfying watching people see their space transform. Watching their joy radiate out brings me so much joy.
Happy Your Space started as my side hustle in November 2020. I serviced about twenty clients throughout 2021 while still holding a 9-5 job. My biggest struggle in 2021 was not being able to compartmentalize.
My big “Aha” moment came at the end of 2021 when I realized that I still was not happy. I was working a 45-hour work week at the firm. I was trying to grow a business, and I was trying to raise my son. The most important thing out of all of that to me was my son. He was the whole reason I started Happy Your Space.
In December of 2021, I decided that the best thing for my family and me was to drop the thing that was not providing happiness, which was my 9-5 job. Sure, it provided stability and security, and yes, I walked away from a very lucrative career, but it did not bring me happiness. It was draining the energy that I could be putting into making my son the best human he could be.
I’m happy to say that as of January of this year (2022), Happy Your Space is my focus.
I have part-time childcare, which allows me to be with my son four to five days a week. It also provides the opportunity for me to focus on my business. While he is in childcare, I’m free to take calls and do these interviews. I can now compartmentalize “mom mode” and “business mode.”
Antoinette’s Motherhood Lessons
My mother came from a very different generation. I remember her telling me to hide my pregnancy and not talk about it. Not to make it a big deal; otherwise, I could get fired.” First of all–not true. You can’t get fired for being pregnant. However, I understood where her comments came from. She was coming from a place of protection and preservation for me. I worked in a very male-dominated environment. All the partners were male, all the executives were male, and my direct boss was male.
I did try to hide my pregnancy the best I could for my first trimester, but it felt dirty.
I think that asking to work from home was my inner knowing calling for me to prioritize myself.
I was trying to live my life as if nothing had changed when it had changed. I was pregnant. My body was changing. I was growing a being inside me. So, the need to work from home was my way of protecting my health. I thought that I would be more productive and to have the firm shut down that request was a trigger.
One lesson that I would pass on to other women, soon-to-be-mothers and ambitious mothers is to prioritize yourself. Listen and prioritize yourself and your needs. As I look at my transition from pregnancy to motherhood and now as a mother of a soon-to-be two-year-old, I constantly trust my intuition and inner knowing.
Ambition and Motherhood equals Ambitious Mothering
For me, my ambition grew out of my motherhood. I have always had a 5-year plan. I have always done the steps that I needed to do, but I never aspired to do anything but follow that linear path. Having my son–meeting my son, knowing my son, and knowing that I would have someone that I would be responsible for inspired me to create a whole different path for myself.
Before Jamie, I had no desire to rock the boat. I was the breadwinner. I was the secure one. I was the one with health insurance. I was “steady as she goes.” My son triggered my ambition to do something that sparked joy in my heart. Without him, I would not have been motivated to pursue anything else. He was this tangible person that screamed; you can’t go back to how things were. I needed to change things up and do something that would make me happy, ultimately making him happy. If I did not course-correct, I would have gone back to commuting–my firm is now requiring people to go back into the office. That would have meant me dropping my son off at daycare within half an hour of waking up. Then I would pick him up from my parents’ house when he was asleep. I would not even interact with him for more than half an hour a day. That was not acceptable to me. He inspired me to trail blaze this new path and make a better life for myself and our family.
I remember in 2021 when I asked to take a sabbatical from my firm. I told them that I wanted to spend more time with my son and their response was, “Oh, Antoinette, that is not for you. You are too full of ambition to let that happen.” I was shocked. I remember also thinking–why am I giving all my energy, ambition, and magic to this group. It doesn’t fill my cup, and I am just another cog in the machine.
My son is the reason, and he was the catalyst for my ambition to do something more.
My Ambitious Mother
Before I had my son, I would have said that my mother was an example of an ambitious mother. She was the epitome of a successful woman. Mom went to college and then got her Ph.D. She was an Archeologist by training, and she would travel to digs worldwide. My father is an architect and he did cartography for her digs. They were this dynamic duo.
I think mom realized after having me that her life of travel was not working for her. She wanted to be more available to her family. My mom is very much about female empowerment. She is a strong advocate for the women’s movement and wholeheartedly believes that nothing can stop us as women. However, she could not understand my choice to quit my job at the firm. When I first told her about my ideas, she asked, "Why would you rock the boat? Just go back to work. You’re on the path to becoming the CEO.
I was like, hell no! I felt I had to prove to her that my path could work. Now that she sees I can succeed–she is one of my biggest supporters. But I had to prove that to her first. I think in her mind, she felt that she was being protective. She could not be my cheerleader for something that she believed was not going to work.
There would be a little bit of misalignment for me if I were to say that my mother was the ultimate ambitious mother. She is ambitious as hell, but I don't think she always did an excellent job at the mothering piece. Look, being a new mom in a pandemic was highly isolating. There was no one I could look up to or relate to. There were no playgroups to attend. The city had shut down. Then I found the internet (Laughs). What I mean is I found a former classmate on Instagram who had started an online coaching community for women. These were women looking to make changes in their own life. The community is called Little Scraps of Magic. There I discovered a community of ambitious mothers looking to start a new career, do their own thing, or go back into the workforce after becoming moms. That group gave me hope. They comforted me, and they motivated me to continue.
Moms were supporting one another. Whenever one of us felt weak or were at a low point, we would rally around that person and build them up. So for me, ambitious mothering is not one person but the sum of a community.
Antoinette and Motherhood Lessons– Pearls Learned Along the Way
We are all human. We are all more similar than we think we are. Covid had no rules. It didn't have any prejudice, and it touched everybody's lives. As women and as mothers, we are all playing the same game, and we are all on the same team. You might be the best player on the team, but why not let your friend–your fellow woman– come over and pass the ball? When one of us wins, we all win.
Stepping away from the corporate world allowed me to become more accepting of the different parts of me. Before, I felt as though I had to quell the emotional aspects of myself. I couldn’t lead with my intuition in the workplace because I could not back it up. It was seen as being too soft and mushy. Now I lead with my gut. If I’m having a connection call with a prospective client and I don’t feel that we are on the same vibe, I can say thanks so much and let me connect you with someone else. You can’t do that in the corporate world. At least I couldn’t–you can’t say no to a client in the fast-paced, need-hungry corporate world.
When I met my son, my heart opened a door, and a gust of wind came flowing in. My spirit somehow felt revived. A societal expectation says– "Oh, you're a woman. You must become a mother.” I pushed against that narrative for a long time. I thought that did not define me.
You can be any kind of mother that feels right for you. There is no one definition of motherhood.
The biggest lesson that I would pass along is simply listening to yourself and trusting yourself. Forget the outside rules and requirements of what a mother should be or could be. You will innately know what is best for you and how to support your child.
Put away any preconceived notions of what it means to be a mother, what it must be, and what you need to change to be a mother. Trust yourself. Lean into what it means for you, and if you are going to become a mom, be a mom and do it to its full extent.
Twenty-four hours after my son was born, I was hospitalized due to complications. That experience almost tore me apart because I felt like I was not there for him in his time of need. I thought I was not doing enough. Then an extremely kind nurse said to me–“Honey, you being here, taking care of yourself, this is the best thing you can do for your son.” She gifted me the Grace I needed.
I think self-preservation can be a gift you give to your child. In the long run, self-preservation means that your child gets to have you longer.
Another thing I tell new moms is to take the damn shower. Just take a shower! Even if you just let the warm water run and stand there for five minutes, give yourself that alone time. As mothers, we get caught up in always giving, but if you are not careful, you will give away pieces of yourself and have nothing left to hold you up.
Fun Facts About Antoinette…
- I’ve been Irish dancing, in an Irish pub, in Ireland.
- I wear a size ten men’s shoe. I’m like a puppy–I have big feet and have never grown into them.
- I’ve been scuba diving up to three atmospheres (75 feet).
Antoinette on Self-care
Every day I must go for a walk. I’m like the post office–rain, snow, cold, sunshine, I’m outside. I walk for a least an hour. Walking to me is my form of mediation. I don’t take my phone. I don't listen to music. I am simply in the environment. It’s where some of my best ideas come from. I just listen to my mind. Sometimes I just hear the chirping of the birds or listen to the waves crashing. I am not a happy camper if I don't do this every day.
Antoinette Belson, founder of Happy Your Space, not only creates fun-filled and functional spaces for families to enjoy she has flipped the narrative on what success can look like. Antoinette ultimately has created space for other mothers to blaze their own trail, and to me that is the epitome of an Ambitious Mother.
